It started last August 28, 2013. I was suddenly awakened from sleep with a nightmare i couldn't remember. Suddenly, I felt tensed and stiff... i had a hard time breathing... my heart beat so fast, and i felt like i was going to die.. That was it!!! I was traumatized with that experience. From then on, I cannot sleep without having a shot of alcohol.
My life changed since then. There are many things that would suddenly pop out of my mind. I thought I was going crazy. There was a time when I turned off the television because the news was all about killings in Mindanao. I was so afraid... My parents were worried about me that they wanted to let me see a psychiatrist. But who would dare see a psychiatrist with the kind of community I have? These people living in our community are the kind who will be talking about someone else's life. I don't want to be their topic of gossip.
Right now, at 10:56 in the evening, I am still wide awake. I am waiting for my eyes to be so tired so that I can easily sleep.
Oh God, please help me in this struggle...I just want to conquer this fear... Let me have faith in you. Let me trust you wholeheartedly... Let me have peace of mind and heart..
Now, I remember the lyrics of my favorite song when I was still young:
      And He said: Cast your burdens upon me, those who are heavily laden,
         Come to me all of you who are tired of carrying heavy loads
          For the yoke I will give you is easy and my burden is light
          Come to me, and I will give you rest...
I was just afraid that something bad will happen to me... I am afraid to die honestly. I still want to live long to see my son finish his studies and having his own family... I guess i'm not alone in this. Most parents feel the same way as I do. This is what I am praying for.. to give me more time to be with my family..